


Castiel's Confession

by Minor Fandoms (HMSquared)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crying, Dialogue Heavy, Emotional, Episode: s15e18 Despair, Episode: s15e18 Despair - Castiel's Confession Scene, Formatting this sucked, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Character Death, Smile, This is basically the scene transcribed with added emotion, Unrequited Love, love that this is a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:47:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27426688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HMSquared/pseuds/Minor%20Fandoms
Summary: The scene in question from a girl who didn't actually mind it. 15.18
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 41





	Castiel's Confession

**Author's Note:**

> My thoughts on Despair can be found [here](https://hmsquared.tumblr.com/post/634087533864796160/despair-reaction-masterpost).

Billie was pounding at the door, demanding to be let in. Dean stared at a pacing Cass.

“Everyone’s going to die, Cass. And I can’t stop it.” Another pound. Cass stopped pacing and turned to look. Dean swallowed. “She’s going to get through that door. Then she’s going to kill you, and she’s going to kill me.”

“I know.” There were tears in Cass’ eyes. He looked like he was about to throw up.

“I’m sorry.” Dean glanced up to see a flicker of realization on the angel’s face.

“There is...one thing. There’s one thing she’s afraid of, there’s one thing strong enough to stop her.” Cass smiled. Dean’s brow furrowed in confusion. “When Jack was dying, I...I made a deal to save him.”

“You what?”

“And the price was my life.” That same small smile was on Cass’ face. The older Winchester brother’s eyes widened in terror. He tried to process what the angel was saying. “When I experienced a moment of true happiness, the Empty...it would take me forever.” Dean shook his head, confusion coursing through him. After a moment, something jolted him and he looked up.

“Why are you telling me this now?” Another slam on the door. Cass glanced back at it, choosing his words carefully.

“I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be, what my true happiness could even look like.” The angel’s eyes were wet with tears, yet he was still smiling. “And I never found an answer. Because the one thing I...want…” Cass trailed off and shook his head. “It’s something I know I can’t have.” 

The door screeched again. Dean’s face twitched in confusion. He waited for his friend to continue.

“But I think I know…” Cass glanced at the door as he spoke. “I think I know now...happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being.” From the look on his face, the angel’s thoughts were coming together as he voiced them. “It isn’t just saying it.” Dean’s brow furrowed again.

“What are you talking about, man?” Cass stepped closer, eyes wide. He didn’t cross the barrier between them, didn’t try anything. He just spoke.

“I know...I know how you see yourself, Dean.” He twitched reflexively. Dean looked Cass up and down, mildly offended amidst the confusion. “You see yourself the way our enemies see you. You’re destructive, and you’re angry, and you’re broken, your daddy’s blunt instrument.” The older Winchester’s throat tightened. “And you think that hate and anger, that’s what drives you, that’s who you are. It’s not.”

Cass’ eyes were wide, big blue orbs filled with tears. He pressed forward, letting the sadness in him spill out.

“And everyone who knows you sees it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for  _ love _ .” Dean’s eyes shifted over Cass’ face. An idea was forming in the back of his mind, but he ignored it. “You raised your little brother for love, you fought for this whole world for love.” The angel faltered for a moment. “That is who you are.”

Billie pounded on the door again, her shriek filling the room. Dean felt a pit in his stomach open, the puzzle pieces in his mind starting to fit together. Cass spoke again.

“You are the most caring man on Earth, you are the most selfless,  _ loving  _ human being I will ever know.” The smile returned to his face, albeit sadder. Dean’s jaw tightened and he swallowed. Another pound on the door. The angel chuckled. “You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell…” Cass shook his head, the tears in his right eye spilling down his cheek. “Knowing you has changed me.” He smiled a genuine, bright, sad smile. Nervousness was written onto the angel’s face. Dean suddenly couldn’t look him in the eye, suddenly found himself unable to think.

“Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you…” Cass trailed off and shook his head. “I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack…” Another shake of the head. “But I cared about the whole world because of  _ you _ .” His voice broke, cracking as the door threatened to give. Dean’s forehead trembled. Cass looked sad, more tears threatening to fall. He chuckled again. “You changed me, Dean.” A quiet laugh escaped the angel.

“Why does this sound like a goodbye?” Dean’s voice was soft, concerned and caring. He didn’t sound angry or bitter, just confused and worried. The corners of Cass’ mouth twitched.

“Because it is.” Dean silently shook his head. He knew what was coming next, and yet… When Cass spoke again, it was barely above a whisper.

“I love you.” Dean swallowed the lump forming in his throat. The expression on his face screamed  _ Why couldn’t we talk about this earlier?  _ It wouldn’t have mattered either way, they both knew that.

“Don’t do this, Cass.” He shook his head, begging the angel to stay. Cass twitched, silently returning Dean’s movement just the tiniest amount.

The wall behind them burst open, the Empty pouring through. Dean jumped at the sound and turned to look at it. Now there were tears in his eyes. The weight of the situation was suddenly very real.

When he turned back around, Cass still had that smile on his face. The sad smile, the smile promising Dean things were going to be okay. The smile assuring him it wasn’t a lie and this was what needed to be done.

The door opened. There was Billie, scythe in hand. Panicking, Dean looked from her to his friend.

“Cass…” The angel stepped forward and touched his shoulder, the same shoulder with the scar on it.

“Goodbye, Dean.” And then Cass wiped the shock off of Dean’s face by pushing him back. He tumbled to the floor, stopping against the brick wall.

Billie stepped forward, ready to strike. Her eyes were dark and cold. Dean looked up, panting. There was now a bloody handprint on his shirt from where Cass had pushed him. 

The angel smiled in apology. Dean backed up against the wall, suddenly quite terrified. Cass looked away, a content expression on his face.

The Empty bubbled and rippled. Dean looked from it to his friend. Cass nodded; yes, this was what he wanted. The black ooze stretched toward him, wrapping his body up. It took Billie first; she went with an angry expression. Cass, however, did not.

The last thing Dean saw was that smile on his face.

He sat against the wall, not moving. Millions of signals were flowing through Dean’s body. There was so much to process, he felt numb. He finally understood what sensory overload was.

Sam was calling. Dean saw his name flash on the screen and declined it. He buried his head in his hands.

He should’ve seen it. They’d known each other for years, how could he not have seen it?! A weaselly sob escaped Dean’s mouth.

How funny that he’d figured it all out at a time when Cass wasn’t around to talk.


End file.
